So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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