Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
