we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
