we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
