Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
