I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
