Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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