we have pet lesbian snakes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
