yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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