my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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