oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So. Much. Porn.
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