Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
