Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
