i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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