I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
