the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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