Your tits are I can't wait for
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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