Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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