$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
