I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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