PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
