Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
