He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
