when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
