just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
