sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
