Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
