Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
