I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
