If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
