No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
