That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
