Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
