I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
