why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
