There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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