my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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