I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
