It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
