i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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