Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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