remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
