Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
