I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I will pee on everything he values.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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