I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
