cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
