you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
