Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love you. Go after that dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
