The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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