Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
