Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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