why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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