Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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