you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
